Spring is here and it’s high time to get down to some of those long-neglected household chores. So what about bringing a new shine to that extendable dining-room table? Now, your heart may be pounding away as, for the first time in over a decade, you apply that out-of-date liquid wax polish to the delicate wooden surface. Could there be an untoward chemical reaction? Might the odd volatile substance fly off and enter the airway? So, to be on the safe side, why not don a surgical face mask, readily available from your local pharmacy. Next, having briefly let the liquid seep in, it’s time to put shoulder to the wheel and buff with a cloth to a gleaming finish. Yet, for an even more exquisite shine, why not strip off a layer or two and give those undies a whizz across the dining top? Perfection having been attained, surely it’s a pity to allow the dust once again to settle on that hard-won effulgent surface? After all, what’s a tablecloth for? So it’s on with the white shroud. And, for the crowning glory, why not give pride of place to that ailing aspidistra your Aunt Nellie gave you for Christmas? Job done, it’s time to sit down, put your feet up and watch Match of the Day. If only.
Steve Laird